They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But when it comes to uncoupling kids and teens from their smartphones, the reverse might actually be true. 

After a decade of declining mental health outcomes in adolescents, who today are struggling to make meaningful social connections, parents, lawmakers, and activists have pushed to remove screens from childrens’ everyday orbit. Unfortunately, the solution isn’t all that simple.

What is the “Pink Elephant Paradox”?

Preventing a child from having a smartphone, the surest way to cut them off from pernicious social media algorithms designed to feed them age-inappropriate content and capture their attention for as long as humanly possible, can bring unintended negative consequences. For starters, cutting a child off from a smartphone could create a “pink elephant paradox,” that is, the more we try to take smartphones away from kids, the more they’ll want them. This is a fact parents know all too well: children can be defiant, and dragging them away from their YouTube show before bedtime, or begging them to enjoy a screen-free dinner, fuels their fixation for the phone. Research has backed this up, too. According to a Pew Research Center Survey study released this March, almost half of teenagers said they felt anxious when separated from their screens.

Plus, smartphones and the internet aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and while it may be tempting to completely eliminate a child’s exposure to this technology, doing so can cause them to miss out on crucial years to develop healthy online habits. They could fall behind their peers in terms of digital literacy, which can make it harder for them to sift through real content and misinformation as their online habits change with their interests and maturity.

What are some solutions?

Our goal should be to teach children balance, not abstinence. That means eliminating their unhealthy desire to be on the phone, while still teaching them habits that will help them use it safely for the rest of their lives. Oftentimes, fostering enthusiasm for what kids can learn on their phones is a great first step towards helping them achieve this type of internet literacy. 

Kids may already be on board with this approach. In that same Pew study, kids told researchers their phones were valuable tools they used to pursue their hobbies and interests. The key here is not to let algorithms decide what those interests may be. While TikTok and YouTube may be fun, they’re often not all that educational. Worse, these platforms are designed to be addictive and can feed kids age-inappropriate content. Finding online chatbots, games, and videos designed for kids—ones that mix the entertaining and the educational—can ensure that kids are reaping the benefits of the internet without the drawbacks. 

Once a child demonstrates a budding interest—whether they found it online originally or not—don’t forget the power of in-person experiences to turn that curiosity into a full-blown passion. While limited screen time is valuable for learning, there’s nothing quite like the real thing. You can even use those interests they’ve fostered online to inform what types of activities to enjoy with your child in-person. Here’s a few ideas based on common interests we see:

  1. 🐘 Animals. If your child has been watching a lot of videos about animals, try taking them to the local zoo or pet store.
  2. 🚀 Space. While you may not be able to take your child to the moon just yet, try checking out a kid-friendly astronomy book from the library. You could also purchase a telescope and look at the stars together.
  3. 🏒 Sports. If your child has shown an interest in sports, this is a great opportunity to take them to the local park to play or enroll them in a league in your local community.
  4. 🎨 The Arts. You can actually find some great inspiration online for arts and crafts projects! Find a project your child is interested in and try making it at home together.  

How can we move forward?

We all want what’s best for our children, and oftentimes, the easiest way to protect them is by removing threats that are within our control. But accessing the internet, like so much else in our world, isn’t always so black and white. Our kids need to be able to navigate this world with confidence. If used with the proper guardrails, a smartphone can be a tool to help our children navigate the online world properly.

TLDR Summary:

  • The more we try to take smartphones away from kids, the more they’ll want them.
  • For this reason, focus on reducing unhealthy screen time without entirely cutting off screen time access.
  • Solutions:
    • Encourage healthy online habits by teaching kids to navigate the internet safely and effectively.
    • Use your child’s online interests to guide in-person experiences that fuel their passions.
    • Guide your child toward online resources that are both engaging and informative.
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